It’s been 2 weeks since I completed 75 Hard, and to be honest, I was feeling a little lost in the new space of not having such a rigid routine to follow. For 75 days, every moment of my day had structure with goals that I was laser-focused on hitting. When it ended, I feel like I was wandering a little bit… I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with all the freedom. It quickly became clear that I needed to re-identify my values and life intentions.
One of the most interesting (and annoying) realizations came when I had my first drink after 75 days. I expected it to feel like a reward, or that it would be the moment that I gain my “fun” personality back… but two things happened instead. First, I realized that after forcing myself to enjoy life without alcohol for those 75 days, drinking didn’t make me feel any more lively or fun. It was anticlimactic, like the magic I had attached to alcohol wasn’t even real. Second, I realized that I had tricked myself for years into believing that drinking was essential for a good time. The reality was that when I had my first drink on day 76, and then again the next time I went out, I mostly just wanted to go to bed.
The experience of not drinking alcohol (for the longest I’ve ever gone since I began drinking) gave me a new perspective on fun, socializing, and what I actually need to feel fulfilled. It also made me realize how much we can convince ourselves that certain things are real or necessary when they really aren’t.
75 Hard was more than just a fitness challenge—it was a mental challenge. Without that intense goal to focus on, I felt like I was struggling to push myself the week after. It was harder to find the same drive without a set plan to follow. After 2 weeks of free floating, I took the initiative to re-evaluate what my next 6 chapters in life will ideally look like. I urgently needed to rediscover how I could integrate what excites me, what motivates me, and what I want to focus on next.
Yes I did lose weight, about 15 pounds, but that wasn’t the best thing for me. One of the most empowering takeaways from this whole experience has been the boost in confidence I’ve gained when it comes to saying no. I no longer feel the need to create elaborate excuses to turn things down. I’ve literally told people, “I don’t feel like it,” and I’ve never felt more at peace with that. I used to be the person who wanted to keep up the good vibes, to make sure everyone around me was happy, even if that meant overextending myself. Now, I feel more comfortable with honoring what I actually want, and it feels incredibly liberating. Shoutout to everyone who is naturally that person who can say no. I love it here!
Sidenote: I want to add that I have never had anyone force me to do anything that I didn’t want to do. My friends are amazing and lovely and fun, and THAT’S why I struggled to say no to invitations. The FOMO was my struggle, not my friends and their invites. My true battle was internal. It was the overextending and filling of my calendar, and then trying to use alcohol to keep up.
Anyways, I’ve found surprising peace in solitude. Before, I was always busy with something to fixate on—whether it was work, social plans, or the 75 Hard challenge itself. Now that I’ve finished my PhD and the 75 Hard challenge is over, I’ve noticed that without something external to focus on, I started feeling lost. Instead of panicking, I allowed myself to sit with for 2 weeks and then turn my focus inward. I’m currently fixating on myself, on rediscovering who I am, and recreating the parts of myself that need attention.
At this big age it feels silly to rediscover myself, but I know it’s completely normal to evolve, and that self-discovery comes with the territory of evolution. This journey of self-discovery is just the beginning, and while it feels a bit uncomfortable to not have a clear path, I’m excited for what’s ahead. 75 Hard showed me my true self. So here’s to the next chapter: one where I’m focused on my values, no apologies, no distractions.